Friday, October 31, 2014
People on the train next to us probably thought it was him relaying that he missed seeing me while we were apart from one another. And he did, he always does. But it was so much more than that.
When I'm in New York (or Denver, or Los Angeles, or Nashville, or Las Vegas or any city other than home), I smile and laugh - sometimes for no reason whatsoever other than the feeling of being totally carefree for those few days I'm away.
This is the first time that we've traveled together, so he hadn't witnessed it before now. He never got to see the glint return to its familiar spot in my eyes. He hadn't heard the giddiness in my laughter. The deeper breaths I take also went unnoticed.
But this time, he saw. He heard. He noticed.
And if for only those five days together, he got to see his wife again. We're both hoping she sticks around.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
There really is a lullaby of Broadway. It sings so sweetly and enticingly to my inner 18-year-old. I was a theater major once upon a time. My dream was to end up on Broadway. Truth be told, it's still my dream, though I have no idea how I'd go about pursuing it at the stage of the game.
But I was chastised for not believing in my dreams tonight, so I will say it could happen. Stranger things have, right?
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
This afternoon on the way to lunch, a lady on the corner glanced up from whatever she was doing on her phone, looked at me and my bright pink highlighted hair and said, "Wow! I love your hair!" I said thank you. She said, "That's a really great color! I love it!" (Aside from the miracles of a New Yorker speaking to me in the first place and actually looking up from her phone) she totally made my day.
Fast forward to coming back to the hotel from NBC studios. Two guys in their early to mid-twenties walked toward me on the sidewalk. One rambled off something like "smack a bitch" as he looked at me with a weird look. His buddy quickly added "and dat's a biiiiig bitch!" And they both broke out in hysterical laughter. I just shook my head.
There was a time when the second interaction would have erased all the compliments I'd received in a month. But tonight, I just kind of smirk because I'm not remotely bothered by their juvenile name calling. Besides the fact that I'm more woman than the two of them combined could ever handle, I'm in a place where I choose to believe the compliments instead of the insults.
I like it here.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
These noises make me smile and my heart beats faster.
I can't explain how a city that is constantly screaming, noisy and chaotic can soothe me the way it does, but I'm at such peace here.
Every three minutes the train comes up Lexington from Grand Central and shakes the windows a little.
Every three minutes I'm reminded I'm home.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Anger is a very real part of this whole thing. I don't, however, know if it's a symptom of the disease or a side effect of the diagnosis. I spent a month on oral antibiotics which made me extremely sick a time or two. Then I spent a month on IV medication through a PICC line that totally hosed my birthday month all to hell. Anger at my circumstances was a natural reaction to what I was going through, I'm told, but I still feel guilty about it. I've never been real tolerant of bullshit, but since being diagnosed, I've noticed it has only gotten worse. I hope now that I'm done with medication and I'm on the way through my post-treatment phase that it will lessen. I try to take each day as it comes, but I notice that I have to force myself to have good days sometimes. It doesn't come as easily as it once did. That pisses me off, too. Sometimes it feels like a neverending cycle in that respect.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
I love these guys with all my heart and I will always stand by them and behind them proudly. I laugh when they laugh, I cry when they cry, and, let's face it, I scream when they get naked. I kid, I kid (No, I don't). Seriously though, I feel like a part of the team at this point (albeit waaaaay in the background) and I'm honored to be considered as such. They respect my advice, they're grateful for my help and support, and they return the love that's given.
For those who don't know me, when I am passionate about something, I'm passionate to the core. I'm not a groupie, I'm not a girlfriend, I'm not a plaything - I'm a fan, I'm a believer, but most importantly, I'm a friend and one of the luckiest people on earth to because of it. Thank you, Mike, Juan, Jeff, Glenn, Kyle, Chris, Keith, Joel, Chaun, Garo, Charles, Derek, and of course, Nate for welcoming me into your crazy world and allowing me be even the most remote part of this amazing team.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Email: mel.henry at gmail dot com
P.S. Can I still get the cake, too?
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Click "Confirm" to block the game. (I believe the pop-up is similar if you choose to block all requests from a person.)
Congratulations! You've figured out how not to lose your shit when somebody sends you requests.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Friday, May 30, 2014
When are we going to stop lying?
We aren't fine.
We're stressed, we're grieving, we're hurting, we're tired, we're overwhelmed, we're angry, we're sick, we're disappointed, we're betrayed, we're sad, we're irritated, we're lonely, we're fed-up, we're worn out, but very, very rarely are we ever fine. So let's stop with the bullshit, okay?
Who says we have to pretend to be okay when we're not? Because our mothers did? Because someone tells us we should be? Because we believe these stupid memes we find on Tumblr and Pinterest?
Seriously, knock it off.
First of all, nobody believes us when we say it but most people are too caught up in their own lives to question you on it. People want us to be fine because it relieves them of responsibilities to listen or try and make things better. If they're the ones to blame for our not-fine emotions, it means they have to make amends for why we aren't fine. And none of us really want to be the reason that other people have to go out of their way to do something, right?
Secondly, this pretending? This mask-wearing? It's exhausting and it's killing us all slowly. No joke. Heart disease is the leading killer of all women in the United States. What leads to heart disease? Stress. The martyr-ish "I'm fine" crap leads to stress because we aren't talking about the fact that we are sooooooo NOT fine. We bury our feelings because we believe, as women, that we have to just suck it up because we're supposed to be able to carry the burdens of our families, our husbands, our kids, our careers, our homes, our friends and everyone else that comes along. We're super human! At least that's what we think.
The truth, though, is that we aren't super human. We're just human. And that's okay. It's okay to fall apart sometimes. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to say "I'm having a bad day." It's okay to text your best friend and say "I need you." It's okay to tell someone no, if you don't feel like doing something.
Sure, there are times when we have to deal with the consequences we're handed, but that doesn't mean we have to do it with a smile or act like we're not bothered by it. It doesn't mean we can't take some time for ourselves afterward to just breathe.
Maybe, if we all work together and learn how to tell the truth about how we really feel, we can stop lying to everybody...and ourselves. Because honey? I'm not fine and neither are you.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
That you get it from ticks.
CHEWING. MY. DINNER.
It was a fluke that I asked to be tested for lyme disease. A friend's mother has had it for thirty years and she recognized that I had many similar symptoms as her mom: insomnia, fatigue, anxiety, joint pain, headaches, dizziness, short-term memory loss, brain fog, numbness in the hands and feet, sore neck and shoulder muscles. I brushed it off when she suggested I get tested because I hardly ever go outside except to get in the car, I don't go for walks in the woods, I don't camp or bike. I'm not a gardener or an outdoorsy person. Then, as I was reading another friend's Twitter post about her Lyme test coming back positive, I brushed something off my shoulder that had been tickling me. I looked down and discovered a tick. In my house. On my couch. I've always hated ticks and I thought I was pretty good about checking for them, but apparently I'd missed one. Clearly, I missed two because this tick hadn't had time to bite me. Most likely, our dog brought it in on him. Regardless of how it got inside my house, I had to deal with the possible aftermath.
I immediately called my doctor to request a lyme test. In the meantime, I looked up symptoms of lyme disease and discovered that in some cases, Bell's Palsy, which I'd had three bouts of in 2008. Needless to say, if there was an explanation for all the symptoms I'd had, it would be a God-send, no matter what the diagnosis. When the tests came back, a few days after my doctor appointment, they confirmed what I already suspected: I have lyme disease. Immediate tests said I had an acute case, but the results are back from further testing and they've confirmed that I have had it for a while.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
I want to lose some more weight and I'd love it if I had longer legs and perkier breasts, but even I was a perfect size 6 with a 35" inseam and 22 year old breasts, if I don't feel sexy, then I'm still no more so than I am now. It's all in my head - always has been. So instead of dogging on myself and having a melt down in every dressing room I go into because I'm not a supermodel, I'm going to embrace my curves and know that how attractive I feel is a choice.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
I'm learning that I need to start breathing deeper and trusting myself. I'll probably always have to be reminded to take a deep breath; I don't know how to do anything else. But I'm going to make a conscious effort to be better about it. I can't go through life always expecting the worst to happen, especially when my life is as good as it is.